She's Pregnant, Now What?
If you find yourself in a situation where your girlfriend or significant other has an unplanned pregnancy, here is some quick advice that may benefit you right now:
Things you should do:
Listen– The situation involves more than just you. There are now three lives to think about.
Stay Calm– She needs your support now more than ever. She may be carrying the baby, but you are BOTH parents, and regardless of your relationship in the future, that baby needs you, too.
Talk about it– Not only with each other, but prepare to talk with parents and others close to the situation. Hiding the news from people who can genuinely help you only increases the stress.
Gather all the facts– Get accurate information on each of your options and seek wise counsel so you can make the best decision for both of you.
Express yourself honestly– It’s normal to have feelings of anger, frustration and fear. But make sure she knows she is not alone.
Things you should not do:
Don’t bail– The more you run from this, the harder it becomes to think and act clearly.
Don’t pressure her– Applying pressure will only push her away, possibly into a regretful situation. You will do well to work together as a team.
Don’t forget– You have a very active role in this situation. Listen to input as well as sharing your thoughts.
Don’t ignore your own concerns and desires– Don’t tell her you’ll support her decision without being honest about your own feelings. She can feel abandoned and left to make the decision alone if you fail to be honest about your own concerns and desires.
This is a good opportunity to take responsibility, speak up and embrace becoming a father.
Clear your mind and listen to what she is saying. Try to understand her feelings. Gather information about the options available to her. Talk to family and friends you trust for support. We are here for you to provide caring, free and confidential help for you and your partner.
The first thing you need to do is find out that she is really pregnant and learn about your options. Our pregnancy center provides confidential and free pregnancy tests along with many support services. We are here to help both of you come to an informed decision. You are welcome to go with her for her pregnancy test to help show your support. If she truly is pregnant, then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that can have a great effect on her. Having your support will reassure her that you care.
We know you may have concerns of your own that you would like to talk through with another man. You can schedule an appointment to meet with a male peer counselor on your own.
The Pregnancy Center can help you in a variety of ways should she actually be pregnant. We offer classes at certain times of the year as well as referrals to helpful organizations. We also assist with maternity clothes, diapers, wipes, baby formula/food, etc. You won’t be alone in supporting her through this pregnancy.
Remember the decision is ultimately hers to make. You should be able to express your opinion but you should never force her into a decision. She needs to know that you care and you are ready to walk through this with her.
We encourage the father of the baby to be involved. For part of your appointment, we may visit with you alone, however your boyfriend can join in after the pregnancy test is completed. We encourage dads to attend parenting classes whenever possible, either individually or as a couple. We also have a male mentor available during our Wednesday hours 1pm-3pm.